#213: 10 Things I'm Embarrassed to Tell You

My podcast space has always, with a couple exceptions, been a place where I share online marketing tips and strategies...100% my comfort zone! And don’t worry, that’s still my plan for the future episodes, but this year, I’ve made an intentional decision to step out of my comfort zone (or actually maybe a lot with today’s topic!) and let you in on some more behind-the-curtain type personal things. If you listened to episode 210, my 5 Lessons I Learned From Shonda Rhimes, just a few weeks ago, you’ll see where some of the inspiration for this week’s episode came from. For example, speaking my truth was something that I was really inspired to do based on what I learned from Shonda Rhimes, one of my favorite mentors.
Several years ago a well-known podcaster that I love, Jess Lively, shared an episode with her audience with this type of format (I think she called it Things I’m Afraid To Tell You) and the honest and raw truth from that post really hit a chord with her listeners, and I believe that even back then, it created a bit of an “online honesty” movement. She still does these episodes and they’re priceless.
In my opinion, there are far too many people in the online world that have created these “everything is awesome” online personas and it really casts a false light on what’s actually going on behind-the-scenes.
I, for one, don’t want to be looked at by those that follow me as this person that has it all figured out, doesn’t have bad days, doesn’t struggle in both my personal and business life (that’s so far from the truth, it’s laughable.) So, I titled this, “10 Things I’m Embarrassed To Tell You” - and I know I shouldn’t be embarrassed by this stuff, it’s just life stuff -- the real stuff, but when I look at social media, I feel embarrassed because it’s not my highlight reel. Although, as an entrepreneur, I believe that what’s personal is business, and what’s business is personal, and I see my business as my baby. This means the personal and business are bound to blend together, especially with a personal brand, and I wouldn’t be being honest and transparent if I were to just show the highlight reel.
I bet you’d be surprised at how much we have in common when it comes to the types of things that make us feel embarrassed, ashamed, or stupid, but we wouldn’t know it unless we talk about it, right?
Here we go:
1. Sometimes I wonder if Hobie and I made the right decision to not have kids together. I got married when I was 31 and we thought we would have babies. At that time I had just started building my business and I was incredibly focused. We had a 4-year-old already - Cade (my step-son) was in our life daily - so it felt like I already had a little one. Time flew by, and we just never took the leap and about 3 years ago Hobie got a vasectomy. On the way home from the doctor, I cried -- a lot! But I was just crying because it felt final - I knew I didn’t want to have biological children...so it was just an emotional closing to that piece of our life. I THINK we made the right decision, but sometimes (once in a while) I wish we just took the leap 7 or 8 years ago and went for it. But then at the same moment, I think we made the right decision and that feels fine to me.
2. I work well under pressure so sometimes I let myself wait to the very last minute to finish something, because I know I’ll get it done, however, this causes tremendous stress for my team AND I am not so nice to Hobie in those moments and I hate myself for it. So, for example, when I’m late getting my slides done for a webinar, and a huge launch is looming over my head, I am super snappy with Hobie. It’s like he can’t even look at me without me saying something that I would regret. It’s the tiny things that set me off because I am stressed and tired. Hobie is a complete champ about it, too, but it’s not fair to him. The reason I’m so embarrassed about this is because I teach people to get stuff done in advance! I’d say 80% of the time I walk the talk, but that other 20% can be NOT fun. Lately, I’ve really been working on not letting anything go until the last minute.
3. I worry about aging because of my online presence. I hate talking about this one. I am 41 years old...and I see photos of myself when I first started my online business, and I look like a baby compared to now. It’s hard to get older on video...especially when all the old photos never go away online! I wish I subscribed to the “age gracefully” model of thinking, but I don’t. Maybe over time I will, but for now, I am going to fight the battle! So, I pay close attention to my skin: I’m obsessed with LED light and Multi-Wave technology to help stimulate collagen in your skin. Yeah, I do that! Don’t laugh, but it works! I never do this, but I’m going to post links to some of my favorite skincare products below. The ones that I use daily, that I swear by, and that I know are working for anti-aging. I take this stuff seriously! : )
4. I sometimes don't like to tell you that I use a copywriter. If I do, I’m afraid you’ll feel that you’re not hearing from me directly and then you’ll not feel connected to me. The truth is that I work closely with my copywriters - I have two, Ry and Tarzan, and they’re both really good friends. We text each other a lot, we laugh a lot together, they just get me. They know how I talk, they know how I think, they know my little quirks, and that all comes out in the writing. They actually write like I would write to you if I was really talented in my writing skills. So, yes, I use a copywriter, but it’s still me -- they’re basically an extension of me.
5. I don't always love being the one in the relationship that makes the most money. It’s too much pressure and creates a weird shift in the relationship. Hobie and I talked about this in episode 161 - Love and Business: How to Make it Work, and he said that he doesn’t like it either. I grew up in a household where the dad went to work and controlled the finances, while the mom stayed home and did the homemaking type stuff...I thought that was how marriage worked. Since my marriage is very different than that model, some of those old beliefs creep in at times and mess with my head.
Also, I sometimes wish Hobie made more money so that if I wanted to take a break, I would have the option to. It’s silly, I know...I really want to make the money and doubt I’d ever actually want to take a big break, but I don’t want to HAVE TO make the money.
6. I’m a fierce competitor and want to be at the top of the charts with my podcast and the #1 affiliate in launches that I do. I want to win and I really push myself and my team to be on top. The downside of this is that I find myself comparing myself to others that are also in the so-called race and that’s not a good thing to do -- it slows me down and messes up my mental game. Lately, I’ve been asking myself “why?” - why do I want to be at the top? And if I’m honest, it’s my ego more than anything - and that ain't good. So, I’m really examining this area of my mindset and am remembering what I learned from Oprah in the “Making Oprah” podcast: Put blinders on and RUN YOUR OWN RACE!
7. Ok, this next one is super personal …. Growing up I was always afraid of my dad. He was strict and stern and expected more out of me than I thought was fair. I love him dearly, but he was hard on me. My childhood experiences put some distance between us as I got older. I still have hard feeling about some of my childhood experiences with my dad and I’ve even gone through an EMDR intensive to move past it. (If you don’t know what EMDR therapy is, I’ve linked to it below - it’s incredible and I loved the doctor I did it with, Dr. Mcayla, who I also link to below.)
But beyond my dad and me - here’s the current day truth: Sometimes I see myself being too hard on Cade and I have to pull back because I never want distance between us and I don’t want to make him feel the way I did with my dad.
8. I am embarrassed about my weight and I don’t like to do video because of it. I talked all about this a few months ago in a 9-minute podcast episode, #179. If you’ve not heard that one, and you like this type of episode, I think you should listen to that one next. I’m bringing up the weight issue here because ever since I did that podcast episode, the feedback from listeners has been amazing. It spoke to so many of you, both men and women, and I’m glad I put aside my embarrassment of talking about it and was honest with you. As for my weight loss journey, things are going well -- slow and steady. I’m making great progress and feeling good and when I have some solid success, I will share the details with you.
9. When I have a big success (like a million dollar launch) I have this weird tinge of guilt thinking I don't totally deserve it - or I struggle with thoughts that it will all go away. I know it’s about not feeling like I am enough, and let me tell you, it used to be a whole lot worse, but I’m really working on this one because I hate feeling that way. Recently we had an amazingly successful B-School launch and that weird guilt feeling came up for me, but I was able to kill the flame quickly by reminding myself I did deserve it and I am worthy of success. Progress, not perfection, right?!
10. I struggle with letting go, even though I have an awesome team. I still review every single email before it goes out and I know I need to, and can trust my team, to let go. As I talked about in episode 208, I have an awesome team, and I want them to feel empowered -- they deserve to move things forward without my eye on everything. And if mistakes are made, I need to give grace, because I know that’s how we learn and grow. But man, it’s hard to let go! Especially when everything is in your voice - I am the brand - so I think I hold on a little tighter due to that! But I am working on this one -- baby steps!
So there you have it...a bit of me baring my soul.
The point of this week’s episode was, as I said, for me to be honest about parts of my personal and business life that you might not know about me yet - I really want you to know me. So when you see me out and about in real life, or better yet, come to one of my events in San Diego, you don’t just know the shiny, social media approved side of me. I want you to know all of me - and know that I am just like you in so many ways. That’s when true connections happen… I also really hope that maybe something I said will help you to not feel so alone in what you’re going through, or maybe even encourage you to be more honest and real with your own online community.
And can I just say, Thank you! Thank you for allowing me to feel safe enough to share these types of things here today. I truly love my community -- you all are such a source of encouragement to me!
Have a great day!