P. G. Wodehouse

Much obliged, Jeeves

    Максим Сметанинalıntı yaptı10 ay önce
    Full many a glorious morning have I seen flatter the mountain tops with sovereign eye, kissing with golden
    Максим Сметанинalıntı yaptı10 ay önce
    'A most satisfactory state of affairs, sir.'
    b6264815086alıntı yaptı2 yıl önce
    Seppings,' I said, 'I want Jeeves. Where is he?'
    'In the Servants' Hall, sir, comforting the parlourmaid.'
    b6264815086alıntı yaptı2 yıl önce
    Had bad news, has she?'
    'No, sir, she was struck by a turnip.'
    'Where?'
    'In the lower ribs, sir.'
    'I mean where did this happen?'
    'At the Town Hall, sir, in the later stages of the debate.'
    b6264815086alıntı yaptı2 yıl önce
    to know how you have been solved. I gather that Florence has remitted your sentence –'
    'She has, in words of unmistakable clarity. Get out of that car.'
    'But why?'
    'Because if you aren't out of it in two seconds, I'm going to pull you out.'
    'I mean why did she r. your s.?'
    b6264815086alıntı yaptı2 yıl önce
    don't wonder you're annoyed. But I'm more to be pitied than censured. I inadvertently trod on the cat.'
    A look of alarm spread over his face. It had a long way to go, but it spread all right.
    'Hat?' he quavered, and I could see that he feared for the well– being of his Panama with the pink ribbon.
    I lost no time in reassuring him.
    'Not hat. Cat.'
    'What cat?'
    'Oh, haven't you met? Augustus his name is, though for purposes of conversation this is usually shortened to Gus. He and I have been buddies since he was a kitten. He must have been following me when I came in here.'
    b6264815086alıntı yaptı2 yıl önce
    Yes? You hesitate, Jeeves, Mr Runkle is what?'
    'The expression I am trying to find eludes me, sir. It is one I have sometimes heard you use to indicate a deficiency of sweetness and light in some gentleman of your acquaintance. You have employed it of Mr Spode or, as I should say, Lord Sidcup and, in the days before your association with him took on its present cordiality, of Mr Glossop's uncle, Sir Roderick. It is on the tip of my tongue.'
    'A stinker?'
    No, he said, it wasn't a stinker.
    'A tough baby?'
    'No.'
    'A twenty-minute egg?'
    'That was it, sir. Mr Runkle is a twenty-minute egg.'
    b6264815086alıntı yaptı2 yıl önce
    Let us hope that its current will not turn awry and lose the name of action.'
    'Yes, let's. Turn what?'
    'Awry, sir.'
    'Don't you mean agley?'
    'No, sir.'
    b6264815086alıntı yaptı2 yıl önce
    What a cough drop!' he said mirthfully. The word was strange to me, but weighing it and deciding that it was intended to be a compliment and a tribute to his many gifts, I agreed that Jeeves was in the deepest and truest sense a cough drop.
    b6264815086alıntı yaptı2 yıl önce
    You don't know what these blighters here are like. Most of them are chapel folk with a moral code that would have struck Torquemada as too rigid.'
    'Torquemada?'
    'The Spanish Inquisition man.'
    'Oh, that Torquemada.'
    'How many Torquemadas did you think there were?'
    b6264815086alıntı yaptı2 yıl önce
    'Only for the nonce.'
    'Nonsense.'
    'Not nonsense, nonce, which isn't at all the same thing. I feel that Bingley, though crushed to earth, will rise again. How about if he sells that book with all its ghastly contents to the Market Snodsbury Argus-Reminder?'
    b6264815086alıntı yaptı2 yıl önce
    'Say on,' I said, and he said on, lowering his voice to a sort of rumbling growl which made him difficult to follow. However, I caught the word 'read' and the word 'book' and perked up a bit. If this was going to be a literary discussion, I didn't mind exchanging views.
    'Book?' I said.
    'Book.'
    'You want me to recommend you a good book? Well, of course, it depends on what you like. Jeeves, for instance, is never happier than when curled up with his Spinoza or his Shakespeare. I, on the other hand, go in mostly for who-dun-its and novels of suspense. For the who-dun-it Agatha Christie is always a safe bet. For the novel of suspense …'
    Here I paused, for he had called me an opprobrious name and told me to stop babbling, and it is always my policy to stop babbling when a man eight foot six in height and broad in proportion tells me to. I went into the silence, and he continued to say on.
    'I said that I could read you like a book, Wooster. I know what your game is.'
    b6264815086alıntı yaptı2 yıl önce
    But it's so difficult to know how to put it. I shall have to ask it as they do in books. You know what they say in books.'
    'What who say in books?'
    'Detectives and people like that. Bertie, are you going straight now?'
    'I beg your pardon?'
    'You know what I mean. Have you given up stealing things?'
    I laughed one of those gay debonair ones.
    'Oh, absolutely.'
    b6264815086alıntı yaptı2 yıl önce
    'Euphoria.'
    'I what?'
    'That's what it's called, Jeeves tells me, feeling like that.'
    'Oh, I see. I just call it being happy, happy, happy.'
    b6264815086alıntı yaptı2 yıl önce
    Then why is Tuppy short of cash? Didn't he inherit them?'
    'Not by a jugful.'
    'I don't get it. You speak in riddles, aged relative,' I said, and there was a touch of annoyance in my voice, for if there is one thing that gives me the pip, it is an aunt speaking in riddles. 'If these ruddy midget things belonged to Tuppy's father –'
    'L. P. Runkle claimed they didn't. Tuppy's father was working for him on a salary, and the small print in the contract read that all inventions made on Runkle's Enterprises' time became the property of Runkle's Enterprises. So when old Glossop died, he hadn't much to leave his son, while L. P. Runkle went on flourishing like a green bay tree.'
    I had never seen a green bay tree, but I gathered what she meant.
    b6264815086alıntı yaptı2 yıl önce
    'By the way,' I said, 'who would a fat fellow be?'
    'Someone fond of starchy foods who had omitted to watch his calories, I imagine. What on earth, if anything, are you talking about?'
    b6264815086alıntı yaptı2 yıl önce
    But I know just how you feel, sir. Who steals my purse steals trash; 'tis something, nothing; 'twas mine, 'tis his, and has been slave to thousands. But he who filches from me my good name robs me of that which not enriches him and makes me poor indeed.'
    'Neat, that. Your own?'
    'No, sir. Shakespeare's.'
    b6264815086alıntı yaptı2 yıl önce
    'Is Lady Worpledon your aunt?'
    'And how.'
    'She's never mentioned it.'
    'She wouldn't. Her impulse would be to hush it up.'
    'Then, good Lord, she must be your cousin.'
    'No, my aunt. You can't be both.'
    'I mean Florence. Florence Craye, my fiancee.'
    b6264815086alıntı yaptı2 yıl önce
    'Difficult to say so far. Anyway, he needs all the help he can get, so I want you to come and canvass for him.'
    This made me chew the lower lip for a moment. One has to exercise caution at a time like this, or where is one?
    'What does it involve?' I asked guardedly. 'I shan't have to kiss babies, shall I?'
    'Of course you won't, you abysmal chump.'
    'I've always heard that kissing babies entered largely into these things.'
    'Yes, but it's the candidate who does it, poor blighter. All you have to do is go from house to house urging the inmates to vote for Ginger.'
    Marina Medvedevaalıntı yaptı3 yıl önce
    Not encouraging, you'll agree.
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