Executive Presence

How do you argue a point without seeming angry or ‘not a team player’?

There’s often no burden on the group to make you feel a part of it; the burden is on you to show you belong. It is unfair but is the reality

People come to me because they don’t want the sugarcoated message that’s out there,” she explains. “Nine times out of ten, they will say, ‘I came to you because I want to hear what is really going on.’ ” Looking back she still bristles at having been singled out for a criticism that would not have been levied on her male colleagues for exhibiting the same behaviors. “A man is viewed as a strong personality if he is arguing a point, whereas a woman arguing the same point is viewed as a bitch and heartily disliked,” she observes

Virginia Schein documented the “think leader, think male” conflation.

but where, then, is the sweet spot between too shrill and too tentative?

Feedback works only if there’s mutual trust and respect,” says Gardiner

For example, talk about their skills and passions, and discuss what distinctive value they add to the team

The likability-versus-competence trade-off is arguably the most tenacious, as well as pernicious, double bind that women in leadership confront.

If by the time you sit down to impart feedback you’ve accumulated a laundry list of criticisms, then you’ve waited too long. Criticism cannot be constructive when it’s too lengthy. Inventorying someone’s shortcomings in one sitting is more likely to paralyze or demoralize than incentivize that person to change.

Communications exec Christina says she always starts a feedback session by soliciting the other person’s self-assessment first. “Tell me the three areas where you think you’re doing great,” she opens. “Then tell me the three areas where you want to improve.”