Losing Myself Brought Me Here

You say that it seems like

I have the strength

of tall ocean waves.

But what you do not know

is that I am holding back

what feels like

ocean waves,

You may feel the most lost

in a place that should

feel like home.

You may feel the most at home

in a place you barely know.

The thing I fear the most

is not getting to do

all the things I truly would

like to do if fear did not

live in my mind.

I get so upset because

I have already played it

over and over in my mind.

People would call me calm

like a slow breeze on a Sunday afternoon.

Little did they know my mind was always

feeling like a typhoon.

I hid my weather well.

I think I have grown

too comfortable with

getting another tomorrow.

So much so that

I waste today.

Will today be the day that

everything changes?

Things can not possibly

get worse,

can they?

Because I know I hit rock bottom

so that must mean

things can only get better.

But what if my rock bottom

just keeps moving locations

and I am in rock bottom forever?

What would it look like

to do more than just survive?

What would it feel like

to be truly alive?

She found beauty

in the way

the waves could

wipe the sand clean

of any past mistakes.

But the truth was,

I did not even like myself.

I was talking behind my own back.

I was my own fake friend.

I fall in love with places

that have importance,