I Used to Be a Miserable F*ck

Getting Out of Douche Territory
1. Prove Nothing
We posture because we want to prove something. What we have. Who we know. How rich, smart, and jacked we are. The intention/action of trying to announce it to the world is what makes us come off as a douche. We are tap-dancing and saying, “Look at me because I’m better than you.” And that’s what makes us come off as a douche: the message that we are better. Truly confident people don’t need to prove anything. They focus on giving their value instead of announcing it.
Also, it’s a shit ton of wasted energy. If you’re always trying to prove something, you are not being your true self. Like love and hate, you can’t do both at the same time. So if you’re in proving mode, you are not in your authentic-self mode, which means you are maneuvering at a lower potential. You are not all that you can be.
What if you didn’t feel the need to prove anything? What would that look like in your everyday life? How would that change your dialogue, behavior, attitude, and energy?
2. Be a Student
When we believe we know something is when we stop learning. Deciding to be a student instantly takes us off the stage and into the classroom of life. This is where humility lives. But, more importantly, growth as well. Of course you know things. You may be an expert in your field. But if you approach everything as if you’re learning it for the first time, you will be more open, curious, and likable. Judgment and ego shrink, you go from narrow to wide, and learning and becoming a better version of you become natural and effortless.
It doesn’t matter if you’re the CEO of a Fortune 500 company, a teacher, a coach, a film director. The best leaders are teachers, and teachers see themselves as students. So what would it look like to approach your day as a student? At work. With your craft. With love. How would that change your dialogue, behavior, attitude, and energy?
3. Turn Your Dial to Give
When we call attention to ourselves, we are not giving. We are taking. We are seeking approval and validation. We want something from others. True giving means sharing you and your gifts without wanting anything back. This is when you are the most powerful.
Many times, we think we’re giving when we’re actually taking. For example, making a grand gesture by picking up the check and announcing “I got it” in front of the entire table is very different from discreetly paying without anyone knowing. You may think you’re giving, but you’re actually taking.
What would it look like to turn your dial from Take to Give? What would that look like at work? In your relationships. With your partner. What would it look like to not make it about you in your words, actions, attitude, and energy?
If you have nothing to prove, you’re a student of life, and you keep your dial on Give, you don’t have to sell your Ferrari.

Being a douche is like turning on a black light that exposes your insecurities.

Although it may feel empowering, this behavior does nothing but announce our insecurity. And everyone knows it. They talk about us. Word spreads. When I play back my life, my douchery was the most prevalent when I felt the most insecure. Being a douche is like turning on a black light that exposes your insecurities.