Disintegrate/Dissociate

because I know there is learning to do
and I am patient, I promise
there is learning to do and I will try to unlearn
with you.

Spring feels like falling—like release
so let me go now before I break.
But he gave me kisses
as we fell into something
like love in spring

how you looked at me
while moons collided like our bodies
unruly, destructive
creating new worlds
in the fire of old ones

And if we must survive,
which means we must write,
I’ll weave you into a poem,
this art of quilting words.
I think that’s the closest thing
I will ever feel to love

how sometimes, when I feel emotions,
I can’t tell if I am drowning or if I’m too full
of a divisive or maybe indecisive
way of being

Kokum, did I ever tell you—
the two places I slept best
were next to you
and next to her?

Can you grieve
men who are
still here

Is it the bar where I spun in circles, dancing not with coyotes but with snakes and thieves that made me feel alive but stole my will to live?

Who will save you now if you can’t save yourself?

There is so much I can’t speak
with this tongue longing to see
if colonization tastes the same on you