Life Ceremony

the only madness society allows is called normal.”

His hand was giving shape to my outline as he stroked me.

It was the first time I’d tasted this pungent plant without cooking it. The moment I placed it in my mouth, its particular smell and sour taste filled my senses. The strong flavor was reminiscent of celery, and in order to hold on to it, I stuffed some more leaves into my mouth. My inner organs were set trembling by its living taste, a taste that didn’t exist in the dead bodies of the vegetables lying cold in the supermarket displays. I continued walking determinedly along the gray streets, chewing on the fragments of the city, dissolving them in saliva, swallowing them, and feeling them fall into my stomach.

I looked down in satisfaction at my sneakers, which were pale blue but had already gotten dirty with soil. Until recently I had forgotten that sneakers look good when they’re dirty like this. I ran my hungry gaze over the surroundings as I walked along the street among men in ­stifling suits and meticulously dressed women. Now that I had learned to walk like an animal, I realized how much I had been viewing the city as a collection of symbols. I had been faithfully following these artificial symbols, thinking that this turn would take me to the station, that this was a sidewalk, those places over there were restaurants, and so forth. When I ran my gaze over the world with an empty stomach, the surroundings shed the armor of these symbols and revealed their true nature. My light blue sneakers could now walk beyond those symbolic meanings, striding over the sidewalk, deeper and deeper into this new world.

A light breeze as he raised his arms set my body atremble. Every movement of his fingers or legs or shoulders generated a quiet, slightly damp puff of air.

We were still in danger of being easily knocked back by strong words or diminished by the values created by the adults who ruled the world. Each time, we had to make our bodies our own by chanting that magic charm. It was really tiring, but if we didn’t protect ourselves like that, our precious world would be destroyed.

I think the only reason you don’t know, Ruri, is that you cherish your ignorance. I think it’s important to be able to talk properly about dirty things, but maybe it’s enough to do so with people who are important to you. I’ve only ever spoken about this with Yota and you, for example. Somehow I get the feeling that if you talk too much about it, you might know how to kiss, but you’ll no longer be able to kiss your own way. It’s not that you don’t want to know, Ruri, it’s that you want to be free, isn’t it?

If adults heard the sorts of things that Shiho was saying, there would no doubt be a huge scandal, but I thought she was just being true to her own body. She looked carefully at her own desire, and after seeing what her body wanted and respecting her partner’s wishes, she had sex. Shiho’s kisses were not something lewd created by someone else, but something all her own.

As I stood there enveloped in the sound of the waves, semen trickled down my legs. Water teeming with life caressed my thighs.

Right now, in the absolute normality that existed only in this brief moment in the long flow of time on this planet, semen was being sucked up into my body.

For the first time in my life I dissolved into this normality. Dyed by the colors of the ever-changing world, I became part of the tint of this unique moment.

The night deepened, and the sky and sea turned pitch-black. Yamamoto’s life was slowly absorbed into my flesh. As I blended with him into one life, I closed my eyes, my legs still immersed in our beloved water. The sound of the waves caressed the eardrums of all of us there engaged in insemination

I mean, normal is a type of madness, isn’t it? I think it’s just that the only madness society allows is called normal