Patricia Evans

Withholding enables the abuser to dominate his partner while keeping his ideal image intact. Indeed, to reveal a thought would give the enemy the advantage or perhaps subject him to scrutiny.

To respond with interest to his partner would be just as threatening. Such a response would suggest equality, obliterating the abuser’s stance of superiority.

Likewise, the abuser defends himself against his overwhelming feelings of powerlessness by countering his partner. When he declares himself to be right and his partner to be wrong, he believes himself to be the winner — more powerful and in control.